Just be One

 Usually when I get still to write I have some sort of idea behind the keystrokes, but tonight I do not. 

Tonight I just am feeling life.

Tonight I am in tune with no only my own feelings but feelings of those whom I love dearly. 

Tonight, I write because I have no other outlet, because I have exhausted the outlets I know and I am left with me and this keyboard. 

Tonight, I write because I am feeling in the midst of this journey. 

Tonight I write because I know I am not alone. 

Tonight I write because I know I am loved and seen just as I am. 

Tonight I write because there is something bigger in me to be expressed than just in a simple conversation. 

I wonder how many times I have ignored this sort of urge to write, how many times I just didn't have an idea of what I was going to say so I didn't say anything... but tonight I'm doing my best to stay true to a promise to a friend and write when I know my soul needs to... this is the most me I can be when I'm writing so here goes nothing...

In a world full of unknowns, this I know to be true: the unfailing love of my Savoir, My Creator, my Father knows no bounds. He is and has always been there right beside me when I had nothing other than my empty hands to display to Him and tear stained cheeks to look up at Him with. He alone is my constant. Through all the things I've endured, a lot to my own hand, but some not, He has never waivered. 

Just for instance: I always dread the 29th of July since 4 years ago I commenced to do what I could to not exist any longer... the day brings overwhelming emotions both good and bad, but is a day that I do not look forward to in any way. Alas, here we were, the night of the 28th, I'm trying to make lists of why the next day will be good and why I do not need to call in sick to be able to just sleep the day through and low and behold I saw on social media that my dearest Angel, Julie, was in my neck of the woods. In my sadness, I felt like I should still reach out letting her know I was not far from her and she responded so quickly  it almost took my breath away, she wanted to do coffee on the dreaded day... she had no clue, but she didn't care, she just wanted to see me. 

 So alas, the next day comes and I have something to look forward to, some Angel that God put in my life from a very early age (I'm talking pre-school age) was near by enough to touch my soul once again...  She had no idea, for in her world she was just meeting up with a girl she's prayed for since probably birth and a girl who she's known since pre-conception ... she didn't know the blessing she would be that day. 

We chatted over coffee, caught up in just good ole chit-chat. 

Then I told her. 

I had the strength to tell her. 

I told her how much I dreaded that day, that I wanted to just stay in bed and sleep it away. 

But she didn't bat an eye, she shed a tear with me and just said "I'm so thankful we are here". 

That about summed it up. 

We kept chatting about life and how she could pray for me in the things I was facing but I'm not entirely certain if she knows how special her presence and reaction was to me. . . she didn't flinch, she didn't gasp, she just felt it with me. 

That's what we need so much in this world, people willing to hold someone's hand and feel with them. 

She may never know the impact of what her kindness, her tears with me, or her prayers have meant to me, but I know for certain she understands the impact of what it means to feel and BE with someone in their struggle. 

I pray I am like she was one day to someone. 

I pray I can sit across the hotel lobby booth from someone and shed tears with them both in joy and sadness but mostly in love and just sit in it with someone. 

I pray that she has many jewels in her crown in heaven because it is not every day people, even myself, feel comfortable with a soul enough to another their rawness, but even more so to not have a reaction other than of love. 

Love is what we need so badly in this world. 

Someone to sit in the yuck and just hold our hands and say "I'm so grateful  you're here". 

I needed her that day, and God provided. 

I didn't sleep the day away, I actually had a pretty great day... and I know He put that Angel in my path to make sure it happened that way. 

Angels are among us. 

Just look around, just be one.