Thanks for the CHOICE

Lately I have been surrounded by people in the military... I don't know why, I don't know what really went down for me to know these people... but it did, thankfully.

I had never really thought of what the people who serve our country do for us... or who they are... it was like they were always just a thought, like a distant person I didn't know or have any relation to but sorta cared about because that was the right thing to do.

Well.
Not anymore.
A few of my good friends are in the military. They have actually served overseas and come back safely. These gentlemen are people of great respect, still kids at heart, yes... but they are men. Men who I have deep respect for and wish I knew more of their kind. I would trust them with almost anything, because believe it or not... we trust them with our freedom. The very thing we take for granted each day we walk out of our house, get into our comfortable car, drive to work safely, work in an office all day and then go home to a hot dinner and electronics at our fingertips.... these men, they put their life on the line for that. For more than that... for our future, for hopes of our children and grandchildren still being free and living comfortably in this great Nation. But the kick is, they do it WILLINGLY. They have a choice, and still go out to defend, to fight, to become more than just a boy with a gun, but a soldier.

My best friend wrote about this a few weeks ago, it got me thinking more and more....
these guys are amazing.
These people need to be thanked, although they do not want it whatsoever.... they need to be respected.
I respect those men in my life more than anyone else, not blood ofcourse. They have something about them, a poise, an aura.... a distinct marking.
One of these men has the idea and the passion of why he is in the army tatooed in ink on his arm to forever remind him and to show others... "No greater love is this for a man to give up his life for his friend" surrounding a military gun, a helment, boots, and a red/white/blue ribbon.... This man's life is not about himself when he thinks about his job. His passion. It's more than just holding a gun and running around, but it's in his blood, it's part of him, he wants nothing more to be part of something greater, to be part of something that defends you and I every day.

So to all of you men and women out there with the passion to serve our country, I thank you, not just because you put your life on the line, but because you chose to, you want to.

... at this point I would be completely fine with marrying a military man. yup. You heard me. There is just something about them, and its not that Channing Tatum plays an amazing soldier... ;) hahaha

Trust

So lately the word trust is a floating cloud above me.

I have been in situations where my trust has been broken, situations that I have questioned the very definition of trust and the appropriate usage of it....
See, when you have had your trust broken by people (( this is mostly about the male gender by the way )) most people would be very guarded in a natural way in order to protect themselves... well you see... I'm not most people. Every fiber in me wants to trust ever person I come into contact... but the reality of that is that the moment I do that is the moment I put myself out there to get hurt. So the remedy? Well. Be guarded, teach myself to trust but in a way that keeps my heart hidden and mysterious. Yet, this is something that is rare to me, that takes effort... the kind of effort that is frustrating, but that will pay off in the end I do believe...

I am enjoying the challenges my "love" life is bringing me. The last few months has taught me quite a bit about myself and my goals. I have been so incredibly blessed by a circle of friends that have helped me uncover the hard questions and face them with me. God knew what he was doing when He told me no when I was begging him to bring me someone that I could share me with.... and He brought me five of them... I call them my best friends... they know me. I trust them with all of me, I am at home with them... They are my angels.

So for now, trust and guys... well I'm working on it. I don't want it to be a cloud over me anymore... I want to just go with it... to be a mystery, be sought after, and for someone to let me trust them in time...

:)

Confusion with a shot of love

So I cannot tell you the amount of love I have felt today in the midst of some really intense confusion...
He has a way of giving that undeniable peace even with things are crazy. Not to say that things in my life are bad or are at a rocky stage... but just that some things are interesting. I am still learning. Learning in new ways, in interesting ways, but in ways that are teaching me things I would have never known about if it were not for the ups and downs along the way.

I am so blessed with the friends and family I have. After getting off work yesterday I spent time with my girls explaining to them what was going on in my heart/life, and man!! It was great... you know those times when you are with your friends that is so genuine and true... so authentic and in your face... yeah. That's what it was. They were asking me the tough questions that I never knew I'd hear, those tough questions I longed for someone to call me out on, those tough questions that made me uncomfortable but yet with the love they had in their voice when it was asked, it made it okay.

Here's an email I recieved from my father in response to my last post... I have the best dad EVER. Not only did this touch my life in ways I needed, but yet it touched my best friend and every girl I have let read it.... the world needs more men like this to encourage... to shine light on a subject that 99% of dads are scared to death to talk about with their daughters!
I hope this can bless you:

Can you imagine how God feels sometimes the way we treat Him. Wow, mind boggling…Anyway, my dearest daughter, this is why relationships are always changing and developing. The only certain thing is change will come---it’s just a matter of time. Growing up in this era is mighty painful and I certainly realize the agony but can only empathize with your situation. However, one thing is sure and never changing and that is that Almighty God has a prefect and awesome plan for your life. Sometimes the journey is difficult with relationships but one thing for sure whenever you follow God’s direction the joy and blessings and the touch of the Master seem to destroy the agony of it all. Be joyful and know that you are wonderful and that sometimes we have to turn over a lot of stones to find our frog that is our Prince. I love you and only wish you to find God’s wonderful, perfect , will for your life. Sitting the bench is sometimes the best way to rekindle your passion for playing the game. Watch the game intently , ready yourself, and when the coach puts you in the game, play with your passion with the understanding that from hurt grows strength and from strength grows power and from power grows wisdom and from wisdom grows love that is unconditional. Maybe the past has made you smart and conditioned you to only accept nothing less than the best---which I agree and will do my best to make sure that my darling daughter Darby gets the best. After all, that is God’s plan and I’m certain all the prayers your Mom and I have prayed asking for this one thing will be answered in His time and by your passion.
Love you,
Dad

I'm just a fighter who's out with a black eye

So, prince charming always has a dark side, he usually turns out as the worst guy ever, or prince "charming" with the charming side that lures you into a trap just to keep you there so he can play with your heart.
Ergo, why not skip the step of being trapped and played with and just know what you are getting into at the start. Why not just forget the "prince charming" thing? Why not jump right into something you know when you start? No hidden labels, no traps hiding in the secret garden, no chase into the barbed wire.... but just a guy who might not even run with me or pull me behind but can just walk through things and not have a hidden side.
Tonight my girls and I were talking and it just came to me... the prince charming, he's the one who screwed me over. The prince is the one who stole my heart and broke it. So... well, why want the prince charming anymore? Why want the only thing that have hurt me so much? So. I'm not going to.
I want someone who if he is just rude and not the best, atleast it's up front and honest. I can handle it if I know what I'm getting into. I can handle things up front, I can deal with honesty about the failures and flaws. We all have flaws, we all have failures, we all have parts of us that we aren't proud of, but i'm not going to hide them if I want something more than just friends out of someone.
Am I in the wrong here?
Is this bad?
I want to protect myself, I want to stay clear of being hurt like I have been in the past, yet with that being said.... I know that anything that is worth the time is risky and anything worth the risk is worth the time.... or whatever.
I'm okay with the risk. I'm strong. I'm stubborn. I can hold up to things as long as they don't jump out and attack me. I'm aware that hurt is something that is a part of life as well as the fact that you cannot have something good that last forever until the ONE who lasts forever.... I can handle that. Don't hear me wrong here, I understand hurt is in my future, but I just want to know it's coming. I am more okay with knowing that it's in the future with someone who is honest than someone who hides their dark side....

and I am a fighter that has to sit outside the rink right now... and man o man if it hard. I love the fight, but at times you have to step back and let your partner have his own fight. So here's to the sitting the bench.

The list of Lists.... The Bucket

To be completed by May 2011:

1. Slip and Slide on campus
2. Skydive
3. Go to Las Vegas
4. Sing Karaoke
   
5. Learn to play guitar
6. Get matching tattoos...(can be henna)
7. Learn how to play poker
8. Random road trip
9. Be kissed at midnight yell
10. Document inside jokes
11. See Zac Brown Band in concert
12. Messina Hof
13. Cooking lessons
14. Gruene Hall
15. Go fishing
16. See Marc Broussard in concert
17. Mardi Gras