Well to say the least, I am excited about being a official blogger. I have another blog on myspace but that doesn't really count now does it?
I have so much to share... I desperately want to share the things He is teaching me, but honestly, I don't know what they are quite yet. I just know I am learning something though this. The past 3 months have been the hardest 3 months I have ever experienced. The Lord taken me to a desert place so that he could speak sweetly and softly to me. (Hosea 2:14) He stripped me of all I had hope in, all I wanted except for Himself. And boy was I glad I had Him.
My heartaches, my pain, my sufferings were not experianced alone, although they dang well felt that way. It was so beautiful waking up and knowing that the sunshine in the sky was Jesus loving on me and giving me a new day to love on Him. I read Captivating by John and Stasi Eldridge. WOW! I have never had a book speak to me in such a heart wrenching way eVeR! I encourage any woman to pick that book up. There are things that we as girls, or women, need to let Jesus do for us that we never thought was a problem, or ways we can let our Savior love us that we never thought was okay to do. When I the man I loved more than anything walked away from me and tore my heart out, Jesus was waiting for me to run into his arms and let Him love me the way I should have been letting him love me the whole time. And let me tell you, our Jesus, that guy is an amazing lover of the soul!
And the crazy thing is, even knowing what a great lover He is, I still try to do it on my own and tell him that I am good.... ha. Those are the days that I hurt deeply and physically even, the days that I get angry and doubt His plan, the days that I take two steps back. But thankfully, and for some odd reason, He knows I am going to do this and loves me through it. I cannot live one day without the love of my Jesus, without the comfort of knowing that even though I miss Daniel, even though I don't understand why I was not able to be at Pine Cove HE is there and has something working. There is a bigger picture to this. I can only see now. He put eternity in our hearts. (Eccl. 3:12)
So these days to follow are going to be hard, but I am going to become stronger in Him therefore the days will become easier to face, not as many tears. I don't know when those days will come, but I do know they are coming. Though blurry watery eyes I look to the Heavens and rejoice for my God reigns and that maybe through some part of this pain that He will be glorified.
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