One year is comprised of 12 months, 52 weeks, and 365 days... but there is so much more than days that make a year.
2013 was 365 days of life for me; the life lived not simply because I was here on this earth breathing and going through the motions of my body maintaining efforts to stay physically alive, but the life lived that completely changes a person.
Each year I feel like the year before was one of "those" years in my life where I consistently found the wrong way to the destination I was seeking, or found 'all the bumps in the road' that I could. And I don't deny that each year I pretty much have, but I do know for certain that this past 365 days completely encompassed every up, down, and in-between I think a human being possibly could within themselves and during the course of one year I have not only just found the bumps, valleys, mountain tops, and some bumpy creek beds; but I embraced myself at the end of it.
When I hear the word 'life', I think of running through hay fields, driving down dirt roads windows down with my favorite music blaring and singing along at the top of my lungs, dancing until I'm drenched in sweat and out of breath but still not leaving the dance floor, laughing with friends so hard the moment is literally etched in my memory... those happy life moments where all is good in the world. But the reality of it is that life has many different scenes, and yet even when life shows up as being the exact opposite of the life I imagine when I think about it... it is still indeed my LIFE, and a very vital part of the masterpiece the Creator sees in me.
Over the past 365 days I have truly found who I am deep down inside of me, the raw-when nothing else is left but me in this room-me. I found that there is a thing called joy that is not synonymous with happiness and could be found even in the most gut wrenching, heart aching, angry at God moments because joy is rooted in something so much bigger than that moment. I also embraced joy and happiness together many of times in the presence of friends or family, and sometimes just alone in those moments where everything made sense in the hurricane of my life.
The difference in the life of 2013 and any other year is who I am at day 365.
More so, who I am at day 8577 on my journey.
The woman I am today is a woman I would not have become if I did not experience all the life that I did this year, and a woman who can look you in the eyes and finally say I am proud of who I am.
Just for fun, let's look back on the past month, four weeks, 31 days of life--
In the past four weeks alone, I have:
- Said goodbye to a relationship and man I invested in greatly to choose myself over love
- Packed up all of my belongings and sent them back home with my sweet parents
- Quit a job that drained me in every way and taught me the ways not to run a business
- Obtained a job at my dream company in a new city
- Completed all of my requirements to graduate from college
- Turned my Aggie Ring to face the world
- Saw a diploma with my name on it from Texas A&M University after 6.5 long years and then showed my family
- With my car loaded with clothes and things to live off of in a hotel, drove to Austin and started my new job
Just those 31 days are still quite a bit to process, much less the whole year because it pretty much was like that the whole year: no simple version of life was being played but instead it decided to make a beautiful harmonizing effect with numerous versions of life coming together as one to create a version of life just for me. The complexity and sometimes uncomprehending nature of life makes it that much more bitter sweet when you finally take a moment to see how you as a person grew and learned from it. Sure, I have a lot more of life to see, but I hope that I do not see such an collaboration of life packed into 365 days again.
Because today I stand before you proud to say I made it.... I MADE IT!
I made it through a year of finding out what I wanted in life and what it may take to get there, Who was going to show me where to go, owning where I have been, standing up for myself to protect the precious promises He has for me, and I made it through because He wasn't ready for me to give up...I MADE IT!
To get back to the point, this past year it is hard for me to remember specific dates or times but I remember all the life I lived within them. The life that I pray I never have to see again, and the life that makes it all worth it... all of the memories, the moments, the tears and the laughter, I am thankful for that life I lived because if it were not for each of those moments individually I would not be who I am collectively today. I pray that throughout the course of this next year I remember to embrace each moment a little tighter so that in 365 days from now I am twice as strong, wise, and blessed as I am today (just maybe without all the scars from turning the wrong way a few times ;) ).
Here's to a New Year.
A New Beginning.
But most importantly, here's to us all MAKING IT through the last 365 days of LIFE.
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