I woke up, 8:03 the alarm sounded. I went through my normal morning ritual checking social media to make sure I hadn't missed anything in the past 8-12 hours depending on my phone's cooperation. Then the last thing to check before pulling the plush covers from my body, TimeHop... (for those of you who do not know this bittersweet jem of an application on your phone, it's an app that pulls up your social media from years past and tells you what you did a year ago... what you updated your status as, what pictures you posted on the bookFace, what pictures you uploaded on InstaGram, what tweets you sent and so on...) Well, as I opened the app, full of excitement for the day of family filled chaos and football enthusiasm, I never expected what I saw.
It reminded me that a year ago, yes, just 365 days ago I was stuck on an island on the south east side of Texas away from my beautiful family as they joined together and took a few pictures with a man; a man that was unlike most men, set apart in my books. These few pictures changed the direction of my day in more ways than one. The pictures that the social media 'time machine' showed me were pictures of my sweet father, his brother, and my hero (better known as my Papaw). My day went from a happy-go-lucky feel, to a very real, in your face, reality check of reminding myself of what it was all about.
__________________________________________________________________________________
Thanksgiving was always a great time in my childhood; seeing family for the first time all year, hearing lessons on how to make the best dressing and mashed potatoes, tossing a football around while we wait to be told where to sit, eating more than we should in a year, listening to the grown-ups talk about things we didn't understand, helping wash the dishes, eating every pie we could and washing them down with cookies or another dessert, then yelling at the tube when the football team wasn't playing the way we wanted to in a food-drunk stupor. That was Thanksgiving for 18 years in my book....
Then I went to college and started working in the hotel industry which neither take a day off for any family tradition. I learned that being together as a family, either side, was a special thing. Especially after starting working in the hotel industry and going to school at a place that the sacred game was held on Thanksgiving day. Looking back, I learned how amazing it was that my parents were able to pull off two amazing and grand Thanksgiving holidays with two sides of the family without passing out from a Turkey and Dressing coma, and not only that, I learned that somewhere along the line both sides of the family drifted apart in their own family Thanksgivings and the tables grew smaller over the years.
So as I woke up as a 25 year old in my parents made "Darby Treehouse" in their new home, I was simply thankful to look forward to a day filled with family-- whichever side they may be from and how ever many they may be, I was thankful to celebrate the holiday with people whom I loved.
Then I was hit in the face.
A year ago that day I was busy working on an island I knew I was destine to leave shortly for a company who I knew I was going no where with, only to be missing out on the last Thanksgiving meal with the man whom helped shape the very woman I am today... my Papaw.
I haven't been able to express in English, or any other language really, how much the loss of my Papaw has greatly effected me until today, and I cannot guarantee it will make much sense today, but I shall try.
A year ago my Papaw was ready to go home, only if his love went before him. He didn't want to leave her, from they day they met, until the day God called him home, the only thing that kept him fighting was the love of his life, my Grammie. And a year ago today, I was too busy to make a point to be with him. This man, whom I miss every day, whom I wish I could have one more day with, the man whom I had wrapped around my infant finger sat with his two sons and ate at a Mexican restaurant for Thanksgiving because it he liked it and, well, why not?! But I wasn't there.
You can spend a lifetime regretting not calling, not being there, or not saying things.... and I am experiencing that today. But I also know that he is laughing at me every time I ask myself why I didn't call that time I wanted to say hi to him... you know why? Because he knew I loved him more than anything, and I knew he loved me... so to him, (I hope) it was okay. But to me, this lesson that came with seeing his face on the morning I was looking forward to seeing family was the lesson of making sure I do not regret saying the things I want to and spending my time more wisely.
My Papaw is one of my Heros. He was a man that taught me more than these hands can type, loved like no one I know (other than his son, and I'm pretty sure he got that from his momma and daddy)... my Papaw went home in February. A few short months after the first Christmas I had off in years and spent with him (which I will cherish until I see him again), but years after I had not called when I felt like saying hi because I was ' too busy' or ' too scared I'd cry because I couldn't go visit like he would ask me to'....
All of that to say, I pray to my sweet Savior that I am reminded every day like I was reminded on this year to never, ever believe that I will have time later to spend time sitting next to someone I love and just enjoying their company. Papaw wasn't the best entertainer, honestly, sometimes he bored me with his theory and his subject preference, but what I wouldn't give to be bored by his talking one more time. I pray that from this year forward I am never too busy to be bored by the voice of those I love and embrace every moment I have while they are here with us. Sadly, heaven doesn't have visiting hours, so I can't ever have those moments with my beloved Papaw until I am Home with him, but I know as I write this he is laughing at the idea that I miss him because he has way too many stories to tell on me.
Each day is a blessing, each memory we have with those we love is something to be thankful for whether it be Thanksgiving or not. After all, we never know what a year will hold-- or won't.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment