I've tried and tried to analyze things, to find blame in myself for the way things fell through.... After about a month of it, I just cannot do it. I cannot wrap my head around people whom claim they love me and would always be there for me to just walk out on me and leave a huge knife in my back.
Do not get me wrong, there were things I could have said or shouldnt' have said, but I fought for months to talk face to face, told people over and over again how much I loved them and tried to give people an opportunity to talk and for me to listen.
So with that being said in a very honest and to the point way, I must say that I have learned so much.
I have learned that the blessings of today should be counted before they walk away.
I have learned that people no matter how much you care for them or would do anything for them, sometimes people are seasons in your life.
I have learned that a broken heart that I've felt at the end of a breakup is not just reserved for breaking up with boyfriends.
I have learned that sometimes this road I'm on takes some curves without warning signs so in order to still stay on the road, I must look at the towards my Compass a bit more.
I have learned about the truth in love.... the truth in the love of my family, those friends that have been there forever, and truth in the love I have with Mr. Ely.
I have learned that sometimes standing alone does not mean not having people in your life, but knowing that (with the patience of Job) I will be okay.
By no means have I learned all there is to learn from this crazy time in my life, but I am finally to a point to where my anger does not blur my eyes, that the tears are healing, and that I don't try to hide alone anymore. This doesn't mean that the pain is gone of losing those people whom I care about so deeply, but the pain is fading. Not to say it doesn't come up and bite me in the but at times, but it is slowly going away. I think about it daily, I rearranged and decorated my house so I did not have to daily look at what once was.... but its strange.
Maybe one day things will be back to normal or on a steady smooth straight away, but until then, I'm becoming quite at hugging the curves thrown my way. Maybe one day I'll be professional at handling heartbreak so it won't hurt so bad... who knows.
June is suppose to carry hope. I declare that daily. I declare that His promises and mercies are anew daily and that this month is the beginning of a new chapter. I declare His goodness daily. So I have faith my God will pull through and give me some hope, well continue to give me hope. He has been faithful thus far, I just know my wounds still need nursing and that my God will continue to breath into my lungs so that I can make the full recovery.
(( deep breath ))
Here goes week #3 of June, and week #3 of this chapter that I'm unsure of.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
pretty-
ReplyDeletelike i said earlier, i am glad that you are seeing the positive in a very bad situation. that, more than anything, speaks louder than any words you could ever say. to come out standing from a situation that has torn you down shows that you are a strong woman and can handle life. it's unfortunate that things like this even happen...many times people get too caught up in their own little worlds that they forget the bigger picture. don't stop loving. don't stop trusting. and most importantly, don't stop living your life.
people most often make decisions that have very grave consequences, and sometimes the best thing to do instead of immediate forgiveness, it to let them experience the aftermath of their actions. i've come to find out that this can be very powerful. eventually, if/when you find it in your heart to forgive, you will know that they have dealt with the full force of all that has happened; hopefully making it a little easier to mend the friendship.
as always, i'm here for you %110. it saddens me that you have to experience this, but on the other hand, i want you to look at this as a bittersweet experience for you. you are growing. you are finding out about yourself. you are overcoming. you are working towards self-betterment because you have seen a glimpse of something bad in others that you do not want to ever see in yourself.
june is carrying hope. you may not see it now, but you will....even if it takes until the very last second, of the very last day of june to be able to breathe normally again.
LOVE YOU!