Unstoppable, Unshakeable, Unchangeable.

Why is it that God, the creator of the universe, loves me so intimately? Sometimes I find myself not wanting to call Him God because it seems so distant and my God is NOT distant. He is so close to me, I crave His presence, I crave His direction, I long to hear others say His name. He is not just God to me, He is everything. Sounds cliche and like every worship song has that verse in it, but it is true. I think that the words "He is everything" is simply a way to voice something that is completely incomprehensible and too big for words, so by saying that He is everything it encompasses all that we are trying to say... but He is more than my everything... I just wish I could put into words how I feel about my Jesus, my Savior, my love.
I just want to fall in love with Him over and over again. To seek His power, His guidence, His hand to hold, His light to lead, His grace to cover me, and His truth to set me free is all I want. I would be perfectly fine just having time with me and Jesus all day every day because he ceases to amaze me and know me better than myself when I just sit and listen. He is so amazing.
But you see, this relationship and love I have for Him is not something I want to keep to myself. I am having difficulties with this area. I simply want to love on people and be set apart, be different, shine for Him. But sadly, I am human. I fail . Miserably I fail. I feel as though I have been completely unfaithful to my heart and my God. I absolutely hate that. I need help. I am praying for discipleship that is deep, Godly, and loving. He has provided friends that I had prayed earnestly for, and I know He will provide in this. I just am anxious, and impatient because I am really really needing and wanting help and guidence. I feel as though I was so lucky and blessed in High School by this amazing group of adults that loved me, discipled me, gave me living examples of living Godly lives, and blessed me beyond belief... and now here I am desperately wanting that back and not really finding a resource to tap into for elder guidence and direction. I am not saying that direction and guidence from my peers is bad or less important, but I just really feel the need to have some good role models in my life that have a personal investment in me.

Please pray for me. Pray that I would be a decon of light that is not fading or pointing in the wrong direction. Pray that my godly life will speak louder than any of my words and that I would just be quiet and let that happnen. Pray that I have patience about this single thing going on, and pray that whoever God is preparing for my husband ( if he IS preparing someone for that ) that He is growing closer and closer to our Savior. Pray that God would direct me clearly and I would know what i am doing this summer. Pray for discipleship and someone to invest in my life in a Godly way.
thank you so very much.