What I needed

This note was posted online by a dear friend of mine. It is something I desperately needed at this moment. So thanks Jes, and thank you Lord for loving me.


"Everyone longs to give themselves to someone, to have a deep soul relationship with another, to be loved thoroughly, and exclusively. But God says to a Christian, “No, not until you are satisfied, fulfilled, and content with being loved by Me alone. Discovering that only in Me is your satisfaction to be found, you will be capable of the perfect human relationship that I have planned for you. You will never be united with another until you are united with me; exclusive of anyone or anything else, exclusive of any other desires or longings.”

“I want you to stop planning—stop wishing—and allow Me to give you the most thrilling, exciting plan you can imagine!!! I want you to have the best! Please allow Me to give it to you. You must keep watching Me, expecting the greatest things. Keep experiencing the satisfaction that I am! Keep listening and learning the things that I tell you.”

“You just want, that’s all. But don’t be anxious. Don’t worry. Don’t look at things others have gotten or that I have given them. Don’t look at the things you think you want. You just keep looking off and way up to Me or you’ll miss what I want to show you.”

“And then, when you are ready, I’ll surprise you with a love far more wonderful than anyone would ever dream of. You see, until you are ready, and until the one I have for you is ready; until you are both satisfied with Me and the life I have prepared for you, you won’t be able to experience the love that exemplifies your relationship with Me, and this is the perfect love. And, dear one, I want you to have this wonderful love. I want you to see in the flesh a picture of your everlasting union of beauty, perfection, and love that I offer you with Myself.”

“Know that I love you utterly. I am God. Believe and be satisfied.”

~ Anonymous

Three Months

It's been three months.

Three months of my life being turned upside down, spun around, and repositioned.
Three months of the worst and greatest pain I have ever felt.
Three months of rediscovering what I am all about.
Three months of questioning.
Three months of searching.
Three months of crying.
Three months of the most healing laughter ever.
Three months of growing.
Three months of being stretched to new limits
Three months of confusion
Three months of bitter sweet tears shared with friends, family, and alone
Three months of not knowing what tomorrow will bring but learning to trust Him in it
Three months of knowing tomorrow is new
Three months of knowing that one day things will be better
Three months of begging that this stupid boy will be let back into my life
Three months of trying to tell myself the only boy I need is Jesus
Three months of new opportuinties
Three months of learning how to be alone
Three months of learning how beautiful His love really is

The past three months has felt like three years. It has been the longest three months in my life. I cannot explain to you how weird it is to realize that it has only been three months, only 1/4 of a year, only 90 days, only 2160 hours. ONLY THREE MONTHS. How can this be? How can all of this have happened in three months and all of these feelings occurred in only three months? How could my life have changed so radically in three measly months?!

I have changed in those months. He has done some great thing. He is still working. I am still learning, questioning, searching. I still think that it will be a while, maybe another 3 months, until I feel great about all of this and He gives me some answers. . . it might be longer, who knows. But i do know that He is great. He can do great thing, he has. I mean, look what He has done in my life in ONLY THREE MONTHS!!!!!

I do not wish to go back to anything before these three months started other than to be able realize how better it would get. There are things I wish I could have back that have been taken away in these three months, yes, but I do not wish to go back. Maybe in three more months He will take that desire away, but if not, I know He has a plan. His plan for these past three months was for me to be in His hand, in His will, in His footsteps, in His love, in His glory. It's hard to see sometimes, especially when days seem like weeks, months seem like years.... but tomorrow is a new day, I don't know what He is going to do tomorrow, but I know I am going to love Him more than I did today, and hopefully I will trust Him a bit more too .

Some interesting sights from today

Well today was beautiful.
I had lunch with one of my favorite people in the world, and one of the people who knows me best. It was so refreshing.
I saw some interesting things today :

• A billboard advertising a store that is "coming soon" in "52 miles"
  
• I was honked at by 5 different truckers
• on the disgusting side--- Green poo (NOT MINE) in a toilet... like lime green.... haha!!!!!!
• how good things are going in my life
  
• A friends face glow
  
• a movie that I felt like I was living
• roads that I have driven so many times, but they seemed new today
• a new look to an familiar face
• a family member fulfilled

It was pretty good. Today was a great day. Period. God is good. Period.

My Thoughts at the Moment

So I took a step in a direction, took a step and thought that I was lead in that way, that it was something He was giving me. And just like what I had feared, I think it was a step in the wrong direction. I hate that I think HE is giving me an opportunity and find out that it wasn't. Or maybe it was an opportunity to see something else, but right now all I can see is that it was a "failed" attempt. I am moving on in my life, I am not afraid to take opportunities when they present themselves, I am simply afraid of what to do with those opportuinites. And I hate that all I want is the thing I cannot have.
Lord, can I just become a nun? I just want to stay within the confinements of Your love. Nothing else. Boys are stupid. They are simply dumb. I don't understand why you have given me a taste of something great so that when I go taste testing nothing compares, all I want is the thing I knew was right.
Lord, I love you. Can you just speak so clearly to me that I have no doubt that it is You. Lift my spirits. I love you! Can I just go live in Copper Canyon and just love you? Can I just keep you to myself and be selfish? You are the one unfailing thing in my life, the only thing tha will never let me down. Am I alone in wanting to just go be with you? It's not that I don't want to share this love with others, I just don't want to feel like this.... I just want to be with you.

For anyone who reads this, it's just my thoughts at a moment. That's what this blog is for me, a place to write my thoughts. Ask me about them, don't judge my life upon them. And know that I know without a shadow of a doubt that He is in control and has a plan. I have faith in His goodness to His children.

I miss love...

I miss love shared with others. I have the greatest love one could ever imagine, yet i still long to be loved with the love of another who shares that love. Grrrr Why is that desire not quenched with the love from Him, the one PURE and EVERLASTING love?

Is it simply because I am woman, created from the side of another, to be his helper.... is that what I miss? Ugh!!
Or is it that i miss being someone's somebody. That i hate being that "single" girl in the midst of all of her "coupled" friends... or is it that I experianced something worth missing?