Questions

So I am here, in this place, with You. My heart is once again shattered, but more angry than ever before. You know better than anyone that I hate being angry. I hate being mad at something. I hate being hurt by someone and being angry at them. It's so hard not to judge, not to show my anger on that person and not be who You want me to be in the situation.
I didn't think I could feel this way about a person I felt so strongly for. I never thought I could be so angry and let someone hurt me so badly. I must be at fault right? This person thinks that he has no reason to feel badly, because he is doing what he should via Your will.... but that confuses me... how can someone hurt someone so badly, and then tear them up AGAIN in YOUR NAME?! And how can someone call me out on having trouble forgiving all the ways he wronged me while he is sitting there tearing me down in the name of Your Son!? I do not understand. Where are You in this? The place I believe you are, or in his hateful words? You are leading me away from him, and I am sooooo glad, I do not want that in my life, any part of it. But why, when you are leading him in great places and working in him, is he still cold?
And God, I am so thankful that you showed me what you did. It doesn't take the anger away, not the pain from all the lies, nor the confusion from the mistrust or the feelings that existed. I know there is something better out there for me, WAY better. No one deserves to be treated the way I was/had been nor does anyone deserve to just "get away" with treating someone so badly.
It's like being told everything was a lie. A huge big fat lie. And all those people that threatened him if he ever hurt me, where are they? Are they fooled by his ways too? Where were the warning signs? What did I do so wrong to deserve such a slap in the face and a knife to the heart? What will this teach me other than I deserve better and that I shouldn't trust people so easily?
Can you tell I am just really confused?

I know Jesus will make a way, He has compassion on His children who have hearts of sorrow, He made the day today, He reigns. He is glorious. He will NEVER do this to me! EVER! He won't lie to me, He will not be fake and tell me he loves me, because my God LOVES ME! Sometimes that is the only thing that keeps me going, knowing that atleast ONE person, the greatest of them all, loves me, not the kind of love that I thought I had, but the REAL love that is everlasting.

Whoever you are,
Pray for me. For healing. For forgiveness, for me to just let go and let Him carry me though this. Pray that I would be able to look at this, at the lies, at the disappointment and that my eyes would be lifted to the cross and the sacrifice Jesus gave for ME....