CAUSE

"CAUSE me to grow in faith, Oh Lord."

to be caused to do something.... not to simply grow my faith, but to CAUSE my faith to grow.... wow. I am asking the Lord to stretch me to where I will cling to the cross more blindly than ever before. What a statement. What a statement to live by, but not to be taken lightly.

In the midst of all of this in my life He is blessing me with days that are abundant in His beauty and He is loving me so dearly with the wind in my face and the beautiful stars in the sky. Oh how i wish I could just leave and go to Copper Canyon Mexico for a couple weeks. To just escape the everyday business and chores to go and just spend time with Jesus. Just me and Him in the beautiful vast creation that He created and he spoke into existence.... To go and be with him, to just be cleared of all the things that could be distracting me from Him. To just be able to sit and listen to Him speak to my heart things that I so desperately need to hear.
Since we all know that I cannot do that, I am trying to find ways to "get away" while still living here. I went and ran last night for a little bit, it was beautiful. I mean, HE IS SOO BEAUTIFUL!!! Sometimes I wonder if I could ever take it all in.... I always feel like I could have just sat and looked up while the wind blew past my face.... for hours and not have done it enough. Oh how i hate that I started reading Thoreau when i was only 13!!! UGH!!!

For a status update:
I am doing alright. I am slowly forgiving and moving on from the hurt. He is showing me ways to give it all to Him. It really has been easier than I thought it would, this whole falling out of love with someone. I mean the situation helped that a lot, but still. I am missing my family during these times, a lot. I feel like I owe something to them, i feel like I owe them a thank you, or a "I was wrong the whole time and thank you for just letting me realize it on my own"... or maybe because I know they will be there for me no matter what, and really knowing that is true. It is a beautiful thing to know the truths in life when all you can think about is all the lies.
Sometimes I feel like I am in a battle, something much bigger than I, something that is very scary and very humbling all at the same time. I don't know what the devil wants with me, but he ain't gettin it!! I am a warrior of the King, the Conqueror, the Savior! take that devil!!!

I miss some friends that know me really well (Jasmine) and feel horrible that I took our relationship for granted.... but God's got great stuff in store for both of us so it's all good.

Tomorrow is gonna be a good day, a better day than today ever was. :)