Three Months

It's been three months.

Three months of my life being turned upside down, spun around, and repositioned.
Three months of the worst and greatest pain I have ever felt.
Three months of rediscovering what I am all about.
Three months of questioning.
Three months of searching.
Three months of crying.
Three months of the most healing laughter ever.
Three months of growing.
Three months of being stretched to new limits
Three months of confusion
Three months of bitter sweet tears shared with friends, family, and alone
Three months of not knowing what tomorrow will bring but learning to trust Him in it
Three months of knowing tomorrow is new
Three months of knowing that one day things will be better
Three months of begging that this stupid boy will be let back into my life
Three months of trying to tell myself the only boy I need is Jesus
Three months of new opportuinties
Three months of learning how to be alone
Three months of learning how beautiful His love really is

The past three months has felt like three years. It has been the longest three months in my life. I cannot explain to you how weird it is to realize that it has only been three months, only 1/4 of a year, only 90 days, only 2160 hours. ONLY THREE MONTHS. How can this be? How can all of this have happened in three months and all of these feelings occurred in only three months? How could my life have changed so radically in three measly months?!

I have changed in those months. He has done some great thing. He is still working. I am still learning, questioning, searching. I still think that it will be a while, maybe another 3 months, until I feel great about all of this and He gives me some answers. . . it might be longer, who knows. But i do know that He is great. He can do great thing, he has. I mean, look what He has done in my life in ONLY THREE MONTHS!!!!!

I do not wish to go back to anything before these three months started other than to be able realize how better it would get. There are things I wish I could have back that have been taken away in these three months, yes, but I do not wish to go back. Maybe in three more months He will take that desire away, but if not, I know He has a plan. His plan for these past three months was for me to be in His hand, in His will, in His footsteps, in His love, in His glory. It's hard to see sometimes, especially when days seem like weeks, months seem like years.... but tomorrow is a new day, I don't know what He is going to do tomorrow, but I know I am going to love Him more than I did today, and hopefully I will trust Him a bit more too .