... beautifully constructed fairy tale....

When I’m at the point of breaking at the place where I resign,

And I’m at the stage of shaking my head as I look back on my life,

When I’m halfway through the grieving, but not quite through the ache,

When I cannot see the ending

Or which road I’m supposed to take,

All I know to do is lift my hands to You.

I am a firm believer in the power of written words, maybe that is because I find refuge in words, I can be free without fear of saying the wrong thing, or maybe it is because when I write I write from my heart, there are no lies, no half truths.... my words are my heart. When I hear words that tug my heart, it touches me more than someone actually physically touching me. And the neat thing is.... people who love me, know that.... God knows that... that's why there are songs like the one above that pop into my life on nights like tonight, or messages from a friend that couldn't have come at a better time, or a two hour car ride lacking a single second of silence.

But the worst part of words is that they aren't always true. Words from people are always subject to hidden agendas, falsehoods, and deception. I guess that's life though. All aspects of life are subject to those violences against truth. The art is, and the beauty is, when you do hear truth. Truth resounds in my soul like thunder in a hollow oak tree. There is truth all aruond me, all around you everyday, it's just looking past those barriers, looking through the laser beams of fakeness and lies you can see the truth shining through. Truth has been surrounding me like a blanket, in the darkness of this night comes the warmth of true, honest words being whispered and shouted from every corner.

The worst part of it all is that I am scared of the truth right now, I am comforted falsely in the lies I've been hearing constantly. The truth is foreign, I don't know how to react to it when I try to think about it instead of just letting my knee jerk reaction to run towards it kick in.

What I mean is that this night is dark, it's cold, it's scary. I have truths I know and that I am being reminded of that keep me taking one step at a time praying that this night doesn't last forever.

I'm tired of answering the "how are you?" question with "alright" or " i've been better".... I just want to see that sun rise and feel it's warmth on my face. I dream about it, I think about it, my sisters tell me about it like they are telling me a story from my childhood... I look at the dawn as a beautiful myth, a beautifully constructed fairy tale that seems too good to be true. (kinda like the rest of my life)

But every night has a dawn, every valley has an incline, every nightmare is only a dream....