His Fight Conquers My Insecurities

It's amazing how and what He choses to teach through.
It's honestly mysterious how all of the bumps, turns, dead ends, gusts of winds, and pot holes teach me something.

I have learned more about who I am in the past 4 months that I have probably my whole life. I have learned about the woman I am meant to be... mostly through trial and error, but what's new. I have found out what I want and what I don't want, who is important to me and who really isn't, what I want to do and what I don't, how I want to be and how I don't.

I hate the aches that these things have caused me so that I would learn but I am so thankful for the lessons.

I'm proud of who I am in a way. I'm proud of what I have become when dealing with my heart. I am protective of the beauty and gifts He has given me. I am guarded and don't fall for the little things... I am no longer weary of what I bring to the table, but I proudly give a snapshot so they may be intriged but not be able to hurt me. Plus my heart is tender even though it is surrounded by guards. . . so why try to lay it out there just to get a knife put in it? I'm not gonna do that. Done that before, left it all out there just to watch it get taken advantage of. Quoted from a great song that I'm in love with at the moment... "I'm no body's fool anymore I'll do just fine out on my own/ the next one to come around will know, I'm nobody's fool." I'm not going to let anyone take advantage of me. It might be easy for me to let them because that 'warm' feeling I may get, but not anymore!

In life you learn to figure out how you get by only by experience and His hand guiding you. There is alot to say right now about what I'm learning but somehow I can't find words... even here. I am learning lessons about my heart and who I want to hold it... Him. My God who doesn't fail me, who is breaking me at the moment, who is faithful, and more loving than I can explain. He is teaching me about the daughter that I am, the child He has claimed me as...
... and man that's difficult for me to grasp because I do NOT feel worthy of that, I'm told all the time what I treasure I am, how great I am, what good things I'm going to do in life... and as soon as I start looking at that instead of why people say that I get all down and out. Why? Because when I hear those words I hear how wonderful people think I am (especially males) and then still see all that have left me and chosen others, I see that I am alone and it makes it feel fake and less meaningful. But the problem is that I try to take credit for that beauty they see and that beauty is not mine. That beauty is from Him. And it is through Him I will feel complete, through Him I will feel like a princess, a jewel, something worth fighting for. And maybe one of these days I'll see someone put up a fight for me here on this earth, but til that day I can see the fight He put up for me my looking at the ink on my skin: The Cross.