Symptoms and side effects

I sit here and ask God why, like He did something wrong.
I sit here and cry. I sit here and wonder what my life will be like going on knowing I gave my heart to something that took it for granted then let it back in only to do it again with vengeance.
I am not weak.... But I am broken. I saw a quote today that gave me peace : a heartache just means love was there.
It is so true. My heart just aches, worse than before. It's no longer angry or bitter, but just in pain. . . Pain from love.

Yes. I smile. Yes I get through my days. Yes, I don't weep when someone asks me' how I am.... Because I am strong enough to understand I didn't deserve this, but it is the cards that were dealt to me when i trusted someone to love me back with all the passion that they could muster.

I sit and ask God why, not because I think He did this to me, or that it's His fault.... I ask him why someone can love another so much only to be brought to this place...

Tough love, right. Loving someone from a distance, watching them 'pay' for their actions..... It's harder than you may think. It may be the hardest kind of love to give. Why? Well what I am finding out is when you love the tough love way, all they can do is blame you... All they are is angry with you. It makes no sense because all I am doing is loving him enough to say 'enough'. Though I remember times in my life where people tough loved me and I resented them... It took a few years, quite a few scars, and plenty of tears to understand how great of a love tough love is.

So maybe I ask God why, maybe I cry over the pain I face while standing back... I guess I didn't think it would be so hard because I still was loving, but then his anger towards me came and the tough love set in to be the hardest thing I've ever done. So, this pain ... This heartache is just a symptom of love and a side effect of tough love. I can do this for I still will love no matter what, but this chapter of love is new territory.
I don't expect him to be thankful tomorrow, next week, or next year. I don't expect him ever to understand. But I trust my God to know my pain, to know my desires, and for him to see love as God loves one day in a way that shakes him to his core..... And that one day God will bring me the love I long for in a partner and to show me His love is enough and His love NEVER fails.

A prayer you can borrow:
"rising of the sun burn away my sorrow. Chase away the night, pull me' to tomorrow. Fill in every part of my heart that is hollow..."