Worth it...

There are times and things in life that you get to look back on and be thankful for.... for the good and bad, the rough and ragged or the smooth and silky. In my life I have gone through the rough and ragged more often than not, but now that it's not so rough or ragged I'm looking back at things and understanding the beautiful lessons they have carved into my heart as well as the person I have become due to the tumbling around on the rocks in my path.

I wish I could say I know everything that I went through was all for good... I wish I could say all the tears I cried over the past year and a half were the tears that watered my soul and grew me.... but I can't say ALL of them were good, nourishing, cleansing tears. I cannot say that all I went through I can look back and be thankful for. I am thankful for most of it, but not all of it.

I see the things now that I went through and I feel stings of shame. I remember the feelings I had and the thoughts that went through my head and I just get angry. How could I have let myself get to that point to accept all of those thoughts, all of those actions, all of those feelings? How was I ever okay with someone talking to me like they did? How was I ever okay with letting someone make me feel like I deserved the tears I cried because I did something wrong? How could I do that to myself, but more importantly, how could I do that to my Jesus?

My Jesus loves me. My God created me as His MASTERPIECE. My Savior loves me and has an amazing plan for me that includes love that is true, that includes HOPE and all the Promises He tells me in His word.
With that being said, the looking back on my life is so very painful. Painful to know that I treated and allowed treatedment of God's creation, his MASTERPIECE like I did. I feel like during my past 2 relationships I just allowed God's creation that He loves so much to just be beaten down and spit on.
I mean think of you most prized possession. Or just something you hold dear.... for example: my Aggie ring. If someone was to come up, compliment my ring enough for me to let them be close to it, and then as soon as they got close, they didn't take care of it.... I would be so upset. I know that may not seem like much to some of you, but to me, it's my AGGIE RING.... something I take so much pride in, I worked for, I lived for, I sacrificed for. . . .
Now take that and multiply it by how much God loves us... and not only that, but He sacrificed his own LIFE for me and you... and imagine the pain He has when we don't realize the worth in ourselves, his prized possession. . . It literally pains my heart to think of it. I spent 2 years of my life disrespecting his love for me by disrespecting myself.
This is a hard thing to realize, and a harder thing to make known. I'm sure we can all look at our lives at one point or another and see where we have failed to love Him by loving ourselves. . . but the point is not to rub our nose in our own poop over and over again, but to learn not to poop there.
It took me being treated like a masterpiece to realize what I had been doing to myself and inadvertently to my Jesus. I am so blessed to now have the understanding of what and how I should be treated, and not just the understanding, but to experience it on a daily basis. My life, my love, my heart, and my inmost thoughts are all the things that Christ died for, that He sacrificed the biggest sacrifice for, and that He calls His masterpiece. So, all of those things should reflect my love, honor, and respect for Him. The way I allow myself to be treated, the way I think of myself, the things I do... all of it should reflect the fact that I understand my worth, I understand that the Creator of the Universe takes pride in me so the least I can do is think of myself as special.