Sometime things are just hard

I think there I have said the following phrase repetitively on this thing, but it's true:
Life has a funny way of being life. It's twists and turns are so unexpected the worlds fasted updating GPS could never keep up.

Lately I have been blessed beyond measures while being more stressed and confused than ever in my life. There is NO "easy button" in life, ever. There are days that give me the 'refresh' that gets me through the next few days without just a complete shut down, but there are others that push me so far to the edge i can't see my feet.

"and we will soar on wings like eagles" - His Promise

Well, I know His promises are true, but why does my life feel so extremely up and down so much? Why does my heart get torn as much as it does?

Sometimes I just feel like I want to be like everyone else in life and take the easy road.... to just be completely irresponsible, to be completely selfish and not really care about the other people in my life... but the easy road leads me no where.
So I suffer, I struggle, I cry, I celebrate my minor victories, I nurse my wounds. . . and I get up and move on.

But will it always be this hard? Will I always feel a struggle between the easy and the "worth it"? I don't know if there is an answer to that, but I do know that the day I get to see my Savior's face, He will let me know. I just fear that my stubbornness to keep pushing doesn't go against Him.

So: I am stubborn, I am independent, and 90% of the time I don't know the direction other than the way I am going so if you ask me... I will just say, "if you want to know where I am going you just have to watch where I go, because that's the only way I know where to go."

So, here goes another night of trying to breath enough to nurse my wounds and prepare for another day.