So sometimes in life you reach that point where you know what you want, what you can't deny that something is suppose to be in your life, when you realize that you're headed in the right direction and your future can't get here fast enough......

That point is somewhat frustrating if you're someone like me. That point is present and real in life, yet you have to wait on it for it to actually happen. I have faith in my God who promises good to me, who promises to be faithful to me.... and I hold tightly to that. Never in my life have I felt so assuredly that I was going the right way, that the steps that I feel that I am taking, and the steps He is carrying me in, are leading me to a place that I am suppose to be that is full of hope and joy. It's comforting, it's exciting, it's refreshing, and it's sweet....

Yet ....it is very annoying.

Yes I said it, I said something negative about this situation. Get over it. In the midst of being so happy about where I am headed and what I see to be true in my life.... I have never felt so impatient. Now, my parents may tell you a different story, but I never have had this sense of urgency with my life. I want those things to happen RIGHT NOW. Not that I am not completley enjoying and loving my life at the moment, but there are things that I just wish I didn't know now about the future. Does that make any sense? I'd rather be surprised and be eager about finding out than knowing I have to sit and wait.

I know for a fact that this sounds absurd. I know that I sound so selfish complaining about this. And to be honest I am. It's frustrating me to know that I am being so selfish. Some people search all their lives for their "dream job", for the ones they can confide in no matter what, for a sense of worth and purpose.... and here I am lucky to have found those things thus far in my life. Don't get my wrong, I'm not saying things may not change, because if I know one thing in life is that you don't really know anything about life and that it is ever changing. Nor am I saying that I am not lucky, because I am . I am so thankful to feel that I have found my purpose, to know that I have found friends that are my soul mates. I am blessed beyond belief and I am reminded daily of this.

Yet, I am sitting here selfish because I don't have that dream job that is so close within my reach, I am sitting here selfish because I don't have the house on the hill overlooking miles of country with a family around me, I don't have that degree in my hand and that beautiful ring made of gold on my right hand...... *(breath)* Yet I see all of it sooooo closely, I feel that pull from the bottom of my heart jerking everytime I think about it, I feel that deep desire so urgently that it makes me impatient. It makes me want it now....

Makes me want to skip right on to it, to not worry to much about the here and now....

yet, the here and now is all I have.

HI GOD THANKS FOR USING MY OWN WORDS

TO MAKE ME REALIZE HOW DUMB I WAS BEING! I love it when You do that....

((sometimes it just takes me seeing how dumb I am using my own words for me to shut up. I am so blessed. Today was a blessing. Knowing that if those desires I have are all I get to experience, I'll be happy. "everything under the sun is meaningless"- ecclesiastes))