If only someone had told me that a month ago...

It really is interesting that it takes one simple sentence to change your outlook on something that completely encompassed your mind...

After a month or so of dating for the first time since Mr. Banks, I began to just freeze up and question things... which to some extent is good, but let me explain more thoroughly:

I had no doubt in my mind that whatever laid in store for me relationship wise, it would be different. Different from Mr. Banks, different from Mr. McCown, and different from any other time I was in relations with a male outside the boundaries of friendship. I knew I wanted to guard the special parts of me, to guard my heart so that no one would be able to take advantage of it, to not put all my eggs in one basket, to not settle but instead be the woman I am no matter what or who walks into and out of my life. So when Mr. Ely came along, I was nervous and very excited to be able to try this whole dating thing with a new 'clean' slate... or so I thought.

Quickly I realized the mission to be different took over the actual newness and clean slated-ness of dating Mr. Ely. My thoughts were not simply of what we were doing together, but more of what I was suppose to say so that I didn't get hurt and what each thing he said to me 'really' meant. I was worrying that he was going to be just like Mr. McCown and say all the right things just so he wouldn't have to be lonely right now... I was worried if I was being too guarded or not enough... If I was suppose to be sharing tihngs, or keeping them a mystery... where was the line? who has the instructions for this assembly?

So after a few bumps in the road from me being overly thoughtful about the whole thing, I broke down and called my dear aunt, aka the relationship/life advisor for Darby. After explaining to her for about a half hour on the phone my dilemma and how I didn't want it to be a repeat of anything in the past and blah blah blah... she quicky stopped me and asked me
" How long have you been dating this guy?"
I answered, "A month and a half"
"Well then just stop worrying about this stuff. There is no reason you need to worry about when and how and what you trust this guy with, just ENJOY DATING HIM"

It was like my eyes were opened, like all the smoke from the thoughts racing through my head suddenly had a flute to fly out of...

and on a deeper level,

I realized with that one sentence that she told me that I had become so afraid of getting hurt that I was not enjoying dating. In life you take risks, I for one am a preacher of risk taking; an advocate of chancing the pain to enjoy the joy. I had let what Mr. McCown did to me and Mr. Banks did to my heart get in the way of that. I had laid the bricks to my own road blocks and now see that they were not blocks at all, there were minor speed bumps, or even maybe just secret doors that just needed the right combination to unlock and lead me into something better.

So now, I am just going to enjoy this, whatever it is. I am going to enjoy being called 'hun' and 'babydoll' and kissed goodnight when I do. I am going to share things when they come up, and just go with the flow. If that means I may just fall, I pray that either the landing won't be so rough this time around, or Mr. Ely's arms wont be too sore from working cattle. ;) Either way this time in my life is a lesson learning time, this is the time to not be afraid due to the past, but embrace what He brings into my life.

So that's what I am doing.
It's exciting!!

Now, just to figure out where this Mr. Ely came from and why he's takin a liking to me?