So I am beginning to learn a few tough things about myself, and realize that all I have seen others struggle with, deserve, and enjoy also are for me.

Let's just go with first things first:

Lately my girls and I have just been showered with a mix of blessings and curses. We have been through the extremes: one of us being broken hearted and one starting in on something new and refreshing. After sitting on the sidelines for a while, getting frustrated that there was no game to play or that others were in my spot, I realized that the game is not what it's about, thatI needed to sit there as long as it took me to realize that it's the lessons learned, the memories made, and the positive impact the game leaves on you that's what it's about and what it makes it worth it.

Meaning.... each girl out there, yes EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US deserve these things:

1. to be pursued completely and honestly

I feel as if I am a broken record player when I say this, plus I feel like this saying

has been told to every girl over and over again so we begin to not believe in the truth of this statement. But it really is true. I honestly didn't really believe in it, I thought that if I was going to get a guy, then I'd have to make sure he knew I wanted him and in order for me to know exactly what was going on I would put everything out there before I knew anything from him. But ya know, that's no good. I (as most girls I know) want a man, a guy who sees what he wants and goes after it... whether that be a deer in the field or yours truely. It shows character, it shows desire, it shows respect... when a woman is pursued there is no question that there is interest, ergo no doubt in a womans mind that she is worth it.

And then the cherry on top... honestly pursued. there is a difference in today's world from the guys who just pursue girls because they are good at it and know they can get their way, and the guys who seek girls they are genuinely attracked to and want more than just a fling with. Honesty is something that hinges everything. If you don't have honesty within the pursuit, it leads to a dead end.

2. to be treated like a woman of worth

There is a big difference in todays world in being a woman who is respected and held at a position of worth and those women whom are just there being women. Each and every girl/woman in this world deserves to be treated like she's a precious, rare, unique beauty... because we ARE! My Creator did not create me equal to man, but in addition to, as someting beautiful and desired to finish his creation. Don't you think guys should see that? I mean I am aware that Eve sorta messed things up, but that's beside the point here... she was created to complete Adam... soemthing rare and not identical to him, but something to compliment him. It's kinda like the best wine to go with the best steak... the wine makes the meat savory, puts the meat on a different level....

well, girls, we are the wine and those boys are the meat.... each beautiful on their own, each unique, each not free... but together they are complimentary and right.

Every girl needs to feel as though they are worth something wonderful when she is in the prescence of a man, especially one whom has feelings for her.

3. for a guy to see a woman, a girl, and a lover... something tender and fierce all at once and respect it

Every girl is a complex composition written by the most poetic author known. She is no something to be defined, nor can she be limited to one single analogy. No, a woman is a masterpiece, each strand of her heart and personality woven by her life's lessons, heartbreaks, fears, accomplishments, and loves. Each strand different but all her own unique brand.

Each and every woman out there can admit to having moments of feeling like she can take over the world, and simultaneously being clingy and wanting to just be loved. I know that I have moments when I turn into a child and act like a baby... while also making serious decisions and taking care of the day to day grind called life. We as women can be strickly independent while desperately desiring to depend on something and someone to hold our hand.

I need someone to put up with me when I am at my worst and my best. Each and every girl deserves a guy that can look her in the eye when she is fighting mad with the same kind of respect that he gives her when he is holding her while watching a movie. I can't stand it when I hear about some guy treating a girl bad when she is having a bad day, or not being able to just care about her when she's down and out. I've experienced that, and as most things, just thought it was normal... but guess what... ITS NOT!!

I am not saying that a guys shouldn't stand up for what is right, or not be a man in any situation, but girls are complex, we don't have maps, we don't have indexes, we are just us... the good, the bad, and the ugly. Everyone on this earth, man or woman, deserves someone that can put up with them.

One of the truest things I've ever heard lately " if he can't stand you being you 24/7, then he's not him".

So true. So true.

4. to be herself and still be admired

Like point number 3, every woman has the right to be herself completely and not feel bad about it. Everyone needs to be able to be authentic in who they are without fear of someone not liking them or wanting to be around them anymore. It is truely sad that this world has come to be a world that just wants everyone to be a cookie cutter, everyone to be the same, that doesn't embrace people whom stay true to themselves despite adversity, instead try to sway people to all acting the same when facing different sitations with different hearts and passions.

We are all unique.

Each and every soul on this planet has a unique life, a unique heart that is soley theirs. No two people are the same in beliefs, personality, and character... And no one, absolutely no one, should ever be discouraged from being true to themselves.

All of us can recall a time where they were true to themselves and there was a negative reaction from someone else. I can name plenty of times where I ended up feeling bad that I was honest or that I was just being me around people. That feeling is not one I want to embrace, I'd rather embrace the feeling of someone laughing at me then grabbing me and holding me close telling me never to change, or a circle of friends just saying "that's Darby for ya"....

Every girl has her quirks, and those quirks are what make her special.

So, no matter who you are, don't let anyone make you feel bad for being you.

(don't think I am not speaking to my own situations)

Be you.

People who love you and embrace you are the people you need and want, and those other people who don't can kiss it.

Through the trials and excitement of the past month or so, I have discovered those points, as well as others... I have found that guys aren't always going to be like the last one, and that sometimes, no matter how much you want something to work, it doesn't. Life is not mapped out, there is no manual or index for my life so I can protect myself from the next thing coming. It is simply just life, a life full of twists and turns, heartaches and joy... but one thing remains constant... the truth I have in my God and the promises I have in Him that show me what and who I deserve to be.

With that being said...

Trust.

Yuk.

I hate that word.

I have, just as of lately, figured out that I have some very deep seeded trust issues that are growing some buds in my life right now. I never really thought I had issues with trust.... I thought very wrong. After different issues in my past, after having my heart broken and being mistreated.... I find it very difficult to just let myself be happy. I am always second guessing people, even those closest to me that have never hurt me in any way. It truly sucks. I have found coming into a new relationship that my past heartaches puts up road blocks and completely shuts me off from being natural and myself around this person. This ofcourse makes me very upset, because I hate being fake with people. Even worse, the guy noticed.

This goes further than just guys, or friends... it even comes down with my trust in the Lord. I recently have found myself fighting internally about trusting Him and what He is doing with my life. He has done nothing but provided for me, loved me, forgiven me, and sheltered me... yet, I get scared trusting Him because the times I trusted Him most, were the times I was in the most pain. Those times taught me so much, but still hurt me to think about... I trusted Him to protect me from the pains I faced, but instead it seemed as though they were amplified.

And then when I think about times where I have fully trusted people, I don't honestly think I can tell you more than 2 instances where that trust has not been broken. Yes, I do realize that everyone is human and things can't always be perfect. Yes, I do realize that times happen and trusts get broken because things aren't always perfect. Yet I do understand that this life is far from a fairy tale..... but you see... my heart doesn't get that all the time. My heart still finds it hard to wrap around people lying to me, much less knowinly breaking my trust and heart with one sentance. My heart still believes that people mean what they say, my heart still sees the best in people despite all the warning signs they put up about the curses they hold. But then when the light shines in, I see all the writing all the wall that was covered up so neatly by the pictures of all the lies I was being told. And it's then when my heart gets crushed, when I doubt what I've done.

So you see, I have found a dilemma. I have found that despite how much I may try, trust is going to take effort, that people are only human, and that life isn't a fairy tale...
With that being said, life is a beautiful thing full of ups and downs, broken bridges and construction areas, new lessons and old memories....

So here's to knowing I deserve the best and looking at things in honest light...
here's to just letting things flow and learning to trust
Here's to all that have done me wrong and made me strong
Here's to all that have yet to come and all that poured kerosene on the bridge and handed me the torch
Here's to the new sunrise every morning, and the sunset that is never changing
Here's to all I've learned and will learn,
But most of all, here's to those in my life that have proven me wrong and stayed by my side.