Whew!

Wow.
What a week.... again.
This week was such a huge week for me spiritually and emotionally.

(( I am going to pause and vent for a second... I wrote this real long, beautifully worded blog about an event this week.... and stupid blogspot didn't post it nor save it! I was so upset, and still am in a way!! It's not fair!! There is no way I can word it again like I did... so, I am sorry that you will not get to get the full effect of what happened due to technology!))

Anyways.
This week was the first week of school in my 4th semester at Texas A&M University. The first semester of 2009, and the second semester of the new and improved single Darby.
Can we just take a second to think about that. Woah. Time flies. And PRAISE THE LORD that it does. There have been many hours that I really did believe I couldn't get through another minute. But look at me, I am here. Those days flew by, especially the good ones, and thankfully the bad ones too. I am so thankful for all that I have been though and all He has showed me through everything, and all He is doing inside of me.

Back to this week...
Tuesday was the first day of school, and more importantly the first Breakaway of the semester. I was so excited to go and get some good lovin time in with the Lord and a few of my fellow classmates. I cannot even tell you how much I was ready for that night and experiancing the Lord gathered in that place....... but the way He was going to show up to me was different than I was imagining it. About five minutes after I sat down and 10 minutes before Breakaway started, Daniel came down the stairs next to me and sat two row infront of me. ( insert awkward knot in stomach here) You can only imagine the things that were going through my head. "LORD REALLY!? WHY!? He isn't suppose to be here, or atleast not to where I can see him. Lord I want to focus on you.... and now this person that still hurts me to think about is sitting perfectly to where I cannot get him out of my perifial vision. THIS IS NOT FAIR!" .... Yeah. Wow. So after a minor breakdown and one of the best hugs from one of my favorite people ever, I got control. This time was for the Lord. I needed to be strong. (knot in stomach has not gone away) After we sang a few songs, Ben got up to speak. We are going to be learning about David this semester, and we are starting by looking at his Character. ((yeah, you just read that right, CHARACTER.... the very thing that, if given the chance, would have thrown in Daniel Bank's face... and now, the Lord let him be in my sight while listening to this sermon.... gollee gee bob... )) Well, the Lord began to speak to my heart. To pull me, to tighten up the knot in my stomach.... I had to speak to Daniel once and for all. I had already made my mind before leaving breakaway. On my way home, I had riden with a dear sister of mine, and she just pounded out truths to me. Truths about why I still hurt about Daniel and I, why I was blessed with the heart I have; things that I knew the Lord was speaking through her. It was so encouraging. When I arrived home, I called my brother and told him what I was going to do (( I did this for a few reasons, and I will get there later)). The moment of truth had come.... I was going to dial Daniel's number.
-- I am going to pause and tell you what my deepest fear about this moment was and how I saw the night playing out.... : I was convinced that there were two options of how the night would go. First, I was going to call Daniel, and he was not going to answer. That he would completely ignore me and nothing would ever happen.... EVER. That the way things are was the way it would always be with Daniel and I. Second, if he actually answered and agreed to meet face to face... He would meet me there, but be so cold and shut off that nothing would happen. That he would sit down, look at me, say "okay I'm here, what do you want" ... that he would "listen" to my concerns/questions and then say "Sorry Darby. I hate you feel that way. Goodnight." and walk away. I honestly thought that was how it would be. That I would put myself out there to look him in the eye again only to be beaten down again. . . --
But, Daniel answered. I never told him who it was, and he knew it was me. He was willing to meet, he was not cold yet not inviting either. So, at 10:30 Tuesday night, we agreed to meet at a coffee shop so that I could ask him "a" question. I arrived before did only to get the daunting task of watching him walk towards me with a look of sheer fear, probably a mirror image of what was on my face. . . We sat, did the small talk thing for a little, then . . . it was time for me to ask him. Time for me to question his character. Time for me to look this person who had hurt me so deeply and ask them how they lived with themselves.... but not in a demeaning way, in a concerned/reverent way. ((insert knot growing and feeling like it was about to explode)) He looked me in the eye and spoke. We were both angry, hurt, and not happy with the way things had happened. For the first time in 7 months I saw and realized that I was not the only one who experianced pain and loss and frustration and hurt from all of this. That just as my friend told me in the car "this was not all about me, and it never is". We talked about what happened in October civilly and shared how both of us experianced that night... both which were completely different views and ideas of what happened that night. When we heard each other's side, both of us were very emotional. We knew each other well enough to know that in the back of our minds each of us knew that we didn't see eye to eye and it wasn't fair to be so upset at each other due to the fact that what played out wasn't really what was trying to be said/done. None-the-less, what happened happened that night. In one night, the memories I had of Daniel and I were completely poisoned and altered from a few simple sentances that tainted all I knew and felt about our relationship. It was horrible to realize how much that killed each of us, how niether one of us could think about our past without that stupid night coming up. . . After discussing that, there was a pause. A very emotional and intense pause.... And then Daniel barely uttered "I am so sorry" to me. He said it. He looked me in the eyes and apoligized. It was sincere. I never thought those words could mean so much and have to much direct results. I automatically felt like a thousand pounds were lifted from the shoulders of my soul. I had only dreamt about him saying those words to me and even in my dreams they were not sincere. At that moment I could look him in the eyes without the knot.... the knot in my stomach was gone! GONE!!! Disappeared. I could look Daniel H. Banks in the eye without a knot in my stomach!!!!! I was so happy. It was absolutely wonderful. We talked for three hours after that moment. We laughed, cried, laughed some more.... and enjoyed those hours together. I think we both knew we wouldn't have time like that ever again, but we also both knew it was so much better of a memory than the memory we had been carrying of the last time we spoke.

God has His way of doing things. They are far beyond my comprehension, far beyond my imagination, and far beyond my own way of doing things. He knew, He knows, and always will know. He is so very good to His children. I believe that sometimes He lets us hurt so that when we don't anymore, we appreciate it more and the more we look to him so that we never hurt like that again.

(( Just remember, that was ONLY TUESDAY!))

The remainder of my week was wonderful, I mean, when one looses 1000 lbs. in one night, how can they not have a wonderful week?!
School is going to be great this semeter. I am taking 16 hours combined from TVCC and A&M. That is going to be a challenge. But a challenge that I am all the more ready to face. By the first of the summer, I will be done with basics and starting on my degree classes. What a crazy thought. Pretty soon I am going to be learning about the career I may just be in for the rest of my life, the way I am going to make my first pay check out of college, and the thing that is on my degree! Woah! I am growing up and I still feel like I am in fourth grade sometimes!!

I am praying that the Lord will open up some doors for witnessing and making new friendships that not only encourage me, but that change others lives. I am praying that He gives me opportunities for him to be glorified and for me to be transparent so that people only see the greatness, mystery, and love that is my Savior.

Thursday night was the beginning of Journey at Aggie BSM. It was hard to go due to the fact that my friend that I had previously gone with, and the close close friend of mine and one of my best friends was not there. Our friend Julie took this semester off to travel with her family to South America. It is an amazing testement of their faith. And yet a very hard things for friends to be without a friend that was so unique and special to all of us. It is hard not to be selfish and be upset that she is gone, but at the same time as soon as we start thinking in that way the Lord reminds us of why Julie is gone: she is walking in faith.
All that to say, that it was a bit hard to have that realization of not having Julie there with us, but at the same time it was very exciting to be starting out a new semester in the right way.

I had been praying about the Lord giving me some opportunites to serve with youth since last semester. The director of the BSM announced that he really needed some volunteers for DNOWs this semester...... (( God is good and faithful to His children isn't he!?)) Wow!!! I was so excited to put my name down on that list and know that God was opening that door for me to walk through. So, I, Lord willing, will be working my first Disciple Now this coming up weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can I just say WHOOP!?!

What else happened this week???

Oh. Yeah. That is right.....

I GOT A NEW CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wrote previously about being in a wreck over the break... well.... that stupid pink truck totaled my car (my old car, herbert). I was not happy that herbert was dead, but I wasn't sad either. I am just being honest here.
Well, Friday I went up to meet with my parents and look for a new vehicle. (( I want to clarify that "New" does not mean 2009 new, it means new to me ergo a used vehicle )) The first place we went had the car I was looking for. I mean it had EVERYTHING! We took it for a drive and my dad and I were both impressed. The whole time I was just thinking that it was nice and perfect, but was wayyyyy too nice and there was no way I was going to be driving it after that night. WRONG. My dad had other plans!!! He loved it. I loved it. He prayed about it. Offered a certain price and wasn't going to budge.
Well, they took the offer!!!!!!!!!!!
I am now the proud owner of a 2007 Jeep Grand Cherokee!! It is a beautiful maroon color with all the bells and whistles you can imagine.
I am so blessed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is definately a car I will love driving and I promise will not have a nerdy name! :D

So this week has been filled with ups and downs and crazy turns along the way, but the most important thing is that I can honestly say that He was glorified every little inch of the crazy road I was on this week. It was a beautiful feeling. Ths was a great way to start a semester at school. I am ready to be grown, stretched, challenged, and chizzled into the woman the Lord needs and desires and will have me be.

If you were in my week in any way, thank you. Thank you for being an amazing person in my life. I love you.

If you weren't a part of my week, but are a part of my life: I love you dearly. I pray that you will be a part of my weeks to come, and even so, never doubt how Good our Lord is nor how much I care about you.