Just getting some things off my chest

First of all... SNOW IN COLLEGE STATION ,TEXAS!!!!!!!! Wow, and not just a little, but like A LOT! What a great way to end a semester.

What a great day. I wish I could have shared it with more friends, but the people I was with were great. I just hate that some of my friends went home or just "had better people" to hang out with. Sometimes I feel like I try to hard with the new friends that I am making and that I am just dreaming that I have more friends. Part of me believes that this is just the devil telling me things, then I look at my life, and it seems more true than false. I juts love people, I can't help that. I can't help that I want to create relationships with people and i make things "awkward".
What's so wrong with wanting to be friends? And why is it that I am just not great at it? Or is everyone just "half hearted friends" and I am the only one with a messed up sense of friendship?

Really. What's wrong with me? What have I done?


And why do I feel this way?
Am I trying to hard?
Sometimes I just wish I could live a life alone and be okay with it. To not desperately desire community with people and fellowship on a deeper level than Sunday morning. I don't understand. After all the crap I went through and learned from this summer, I still can hardly hear the word Pine Cove without sadness coming over me, friendships I missed out on, memories I don't have. I still don't understand it, but I accept it. I accept the things I cannot change and am learning from them, growing from them... but I sometimes still hurt from them.

And who am I to the people in my life? Sometimes I feel like that annoying person that won't leave people alone. Or that girl who thinks you are better friends than you really are. So who am I to you people?! And why do I feel like I am the only one who thinks it means something to follow through? Was I the only one that was raised to think that it is rude or somewhat disrespectful to be flaky? I mean I understand that people aren't perfect and sometimes things happen, but I honestly cannot tell you the last person I knew I could count on. That sucks. I don't want to be like that. But I guess that's why I'm so different.
But I guess this just proves that people are people and truly the only one who will ever be completely faithful, true, and worthy of me caring so much is my Savior. He is the only that really matters, I guess I just need to keep that in mind. Sometimes my eyes drift from Him and this is what happens.... so, It is well with my Soul Lord, You are enough.

"Take this world from me. I do'nt need it anymore.
I am finally free.
My Heart is Spoken for.
oh, and I praise you.
Oh, and I worship you.

Covered by your love Divine,
child of the Risen Lord.
To hear You say "This one's mine"
My Heart is spoken for.

Now I have a peace.
I've never known before.
I find myself complete
My heart is spoken for.

Oh, and I praise you
Oh, and I worship you.

Covered by your love Divine.
Child of the Risen Lord.
To hear You say "This one's mine"
My heart is spoken for

By the power fo the cross,
you've taken what was lost
and made it fully yours.
And I have been redeemed
by you have spoke for me.
Now i am spoken for.

Covered by your love Divine.
Child of the Risen Lord.
To hear You say "This one's mine"
My heart is spoken for" -Spoken For, Mercy Me