I'm just a fighter who's out with a black eye

So, prince charming always has a dark side, he usually turns out as the worst guy ever, or prince "charming" with the charming side that lures you into a trap just to keep you there so he can play with your heart.
Ergo, why not skip the step of being trapped and played with and just know what you are getting into at the start. Why not just forget the "prince charming" thing? Why not jump right into something you know when you start? No hidden labels, no traps hiding in the secret garden, no chase into the barbed wire.... but just a guy who might not even run with me or pull me behind but can just walk through things and not have a hidden side.
Tonight my girls and I were talking and it just came to me... the prince charming, he's the one who screwed me over. The prince is the one who stole my heart and broke it. So... well, why want the prince charming anymore? Why want the only thing that have hurt me so much? So. I'm not going to.
I want someone who if he is just rude and not the best, atleast it's up front and honest. I can handle it if I know what I'm getting into. I can handle things up front, I can deal with honesty about the failures and flaws. We all have flaws, we all have failures, we all have parts of us that we aren't proud of, but i'm not going to hide them if I want something more than just friends out of someone.
Am I in the wrong here?
Is this bad?
I want to protect myself, I want to stay clear of being hurt like I have been in the past, yet with that being said.... I know that anything that is worth the time is risky and anything worth the risk is worth the time.... or whatever.
I'm okay with the risk. I'm strong. I'm stubborn. I can hold up to things as long as they don't jump out and attack me. I'm aware that hurt is something that is a part of life as well as the fact that you cannot have something good that last forever until the ONE who lasts forever.... I can handle that. Don't hear me wrong here, I understand hurt is in my future, but I just want to know it's coming. I am more okay with knowing that it's in the future with someone who is honest than someone who hides their dark side....

and I am a fighter that has to sit outside the rink right now... and man o man if it hard. I love the fight, but at times you have to step back and let your partner have his own fight. So here's to the sitting the bench.

The list of Lists.... The Bucket

To be completed by May 2011:

1. Slip and Slide on campus
2. Skydive
3. Go to Las Vegas
4. Sing Karaoke
   
5. Learn to play guitar
6. Get matching tattoos...(can be henna)
7. Learn how to play poker
8. Random road trip
9. Be kissed at midnight yell
10. Document inside jokes
11. See Zac Brown Band in concert
12. Messina Hof
13. Cooking lessons
14. Gruene Hall
15. Go fishing
16. See Marc Broussard in concert
17. Mardi Gras
    

God Bless the Crash Landings

Unleash your Joy.

Embrace Your Truth.

Pick more wild flowers.

Leap Fearlessly.

Collect moments of Kindness.

Ask for what you Need.

Speak of your Gratitude.

Listen to Forgiveness.

Surround yourself with Good People.

Trust your Creative Spirit.

Wear Red Shoes.

Let it Go.

Don't we all need to do that.

All of that.

I want to have this in my house to remind me of life and what it's about.

In the midst of this crazy life, somewhere through all the hidden bombs going off, there is a peace. I can only imagine what the sound of a bomb is up close... and that piercing silence that comes when you are too close... That scary sensory numbing silence that is the aftermath of destruction... I think sometimes our hearts feel that. Because in that silence, it protects you from the crashing noices and screams from the victims.... there is that peace, that silence that all you can do is survive it and take one step at a time. Forward. Forward to safety, forward out of danger and away from devestation.

I know that may be a bit gruesome, but if you really think about a time in your life where bombs went off and caught you off guard... there was that peace. That beautiful peace that the Lord provides so that you can keep walking and go to our Safety in Him.

Life is crazy. You know that song "... I love this crazy, tragic, sometimes almost magic, aweful beautiful life..." ? It's so true. Life is crazy in its tragedies and in it's victories. Magic seems to be just a arms distance away, and the beauty in life is awefully confused sometimes. Lately, it seems like in the midst of one of the best summers ever, I, and my girls, have also had some crazy things go on. One of my best friends said in perfectly the other night "It's like this is the best summer of my life with the worst possible scenarios going on". And how true that is.

I want to take every day for what it's worth. I'm tired of being excited about the future here on Earth. The only promise I have is in Him. The only future that is certain is my eternity. That's all we all have, really. Those things we believe are so certain in life are fragile and welcome to destruction. Those days where you feel like you have finally found that new wind that is strong enough to lift your wings are only fading. So take them as we may. Fly a little, but land softly. After a few crash landings, you find your way.

I've found my technique to land smoothly. I wish I didn't have to land at all, to be honest. Not so that I could just fly through life, because even in the air there are obstacles, but so that I didn't have to dream about flying so much. One day I keep telling myself, one day. But until that day, I will enjoy the gusts of air, the beauty of taking off and landing softly. And you see, this has come in handy. Because once you have crashed and burned a few times, you know exactly how to help those around you who suddenly fall and crash into this not so comfortable thing we call life. I know all too well the wounds that this ground leaves. I'm here for those who fall, and while we are all here we can enjoy ourselves and unleash our joy into the wind so that maybe all together we can create a gust of wind that pushes us up and onward a little more.

God Bless this crazy, tragic. Somtimes almost magic, aweful beautiful life...

...and God Bless the crash landings.

years and distance will not keep me from the memories we've made.

Life.
Wow.
Crazy.

Sometimes when you are at your lowest, that's when things surprise you and lift your spirits. I know not everything is right, and things are still on the upward swing.... but man, things are good. When I think of the past month there are a few words that stick out to me : laughter, memories, and friends.
I have been blessed with some crazy girls that are helping to make this summer one of the best in my life. After the summer I had last year, I came into this one with the thought that nothing could be worse than before, so no matter what happened, it'd be good. But let me tell you, it's more than good, it's great. I can give credit to my friends for making this true. I think that not one night goes by that we are not together, not one week that we do not watch a movie, not one hour we spend together that does not incorporate laughter that makes your stomach hurt. These friends are so precious. Each beautiful and unique, but when put together we all mesh into this big pot of awesomeness. The trials I face are nothing because I know I have to support and prayers of those friends.
Just to brag a little bit:
last week I was sick. I had felt bad for days and was getting a little concerned due to my condition. The whole time, I never once was alone. I had someone with me just to watch movies or try to keep my mind off of it. I felt so loved. When it came time for me to make the decision to go get some medical attention (don't recommend it, it helped nothing! ugh haha ) my friends were there to keep my mind off of things and make fun of me. Even though I know taking four hours out of your night to sit in a nasty hosptial is no where close to an ideal night with friends, but they were there. And if they weren't there in person, they were texting me constantly checkin up on me.
Or when I had to write a 10 page paper in a very very limited amount of time.... these people were helping me as much as possible... finding sources, editing my paper.... staying up with me to make sure I got it done...
Who deserves this? What did I do to be so blessed with friends like this? It is something I have always wanted, but never really thought it was real. But it is. The bond we share as friends is something that is rooted in an eternal love that binds us stronger than any other force. I know I can call on any one of them to talk to about something serious or just text them a funny quote from a movie we saw and know that we both were dying laughing no matter where we are.
These people are so special. Some I just met, some I've known for a while.... all I would do anything for in a heart beat. They have blessed me in more ways than they know. These are the people I will keep in touch with no matter what, years and distance will not keep me from the memories we've made.

:)

Perfect....

I have decided that country songs are just as bad as romantic movies. Lame!
They simply make me want that warm fuzzy feeling I once had, then I quickly remember the lies that were involved in that warm fuzzy feeling and then I get all upset and funky. I just want another chance to have a fun warm fuzzy without the pain at the end of it. It might be a while til that happens, I am aware... but man... it's everywhere around me but inside of me.
I am starting to wonder if I am that girl who screws it up for herself... ya know?
anyways...
country songs = bad news bears . . . but they are sooo good!
Story of My life.
ha ha

"The trouble with romance is takin your chances in the desperation of a downtown night... if you're lookin for a little affection, don't go waiting for the timing to be right." - Desperation by Micky and the Motorcars