No Monsters

When faced with frustrating situations, we all have a few options of how to handle it... especially when it comes to making a choice that will greatly impact most every part of your life.

Lately, I have been experiencing a few frustrations within myself, my workplace, and people around me.  Being a redhead, it's very easy for me to get overly emotional at the time of frustration and have a fit, only to calm down later and realize the situation is not so bad.

Today was a little bit of that.

I have a huge decision to make soon, one that I know will be something I do not regret, one that will expand opportunities for my future, and one that will ultimately shape the outcome of my career.  I have always been one that once I set my mind to do something, I go after it like a freight train and get it done, nothing stops me.  I am one determined individual when I set my mind to things, and this is one thing I have set my mind to... but like many choices in life, deciding one thing comes with about twenty more side decisions that you don't always see at first.

When facing a issue today, I wanted to be the kind of person who just threw it all up in the air and ran towards my goal without thinking about anything but what I wanted to do... althought this seemed nice, the other side of my brain was screaming with fear and questions.

I have so many people telling me how "strong" I am, how "determined" I am, how "fearless" I am... well in that moment, I was a scared little girl who could barely move from her office chair in fear of making the wrong choice.  I couldn't explain why I was so scared, I couldn't explain why I wasn't being that "determined  and fearless" woman people know me as other than I was afraid.

Fear is one of the biggest obstacles I face in life.

No, not fear of spiders or of the dark... but fear of failing, making the wrong choice, and letting others down.

During this decision in my life to set forth and complete my goal, there are times I am in fear of it not working out, money not stretching thin enough, not getting the GPA I want, not getting that dream job when I graduate that everyone says is waiting for me to get that degree...

Fear freezes me when otherwise I would be at a dead sprint ahead.

In the midst of this 'episode' this morning, I called two men in my life that I trust- that know me- and that have experienced a life a little longer than I have... and wouldn't you  know, they both told me the same thing...
1) Quit being afraid, that isn't who you are 
   
2) You deserve better than what you have right now, so you need to make the choice to get better. And you never have failed at anything you have set out to do, so just do it. Don't sit there and pout- DO SOMETHING.


3) The world is not full of people like you, it's unfair, unloving, dishonest, and cruel... you have to stop taking it personal when people are people and act like they are in middle school. 


4) You have one year. Then you have the world, so be you... be determined, be strong, and get it done. 


When the first person told me all these things, I got upset because they weren't understanding my frustration... then the second person told me the same thing and I began to realize that these people around me love me, want to see me succeed, and believe in me... why don't I? 


So here I am, about to take the leap... determined, proud, excited, nervous... but I will not fear anymore. Not only because I have a God that has me in the palm of His hands, but I have those around me that believe in me sometimes more than I believe in myself, so I know I can do this.  


I am thankful for the fear because it has taught me to be strong. It's like when a kid finally gets the nerves to look under their bed when they think there is a monster... the scariest moment in their life, only to find there is no monster... 


So for now, there are no monsters. I looked, I had others look with me and confirmed the truth : there is nothing to be afraid of.